Sometimes, it is hard to be me. I tried to live my life as simple and as monotonous as ever because I am always scared of challenges. Scared of the new things that are goin' on, scared to be not accepted though I know I wasn't really accepted in the first place.
I considered myself special although I am clumsy, slow, inactive, boring, stuck-up oh gosh! Name it! That's me, i still know I am much more intelligent than everyone else. But lately, even that single shining glory I have is slowly fading away. Shit! I really wanna cry! Why is it like this? I've already failed several exams since I returned to school. I have not much fall back because I never excel in groups. Am I just spending too much time on the net that I forget to do some more important things? Oh no!? I seem to be always on a worse state. I seem to be just fitting myself in a space that's already too tight for me. I wanna scream! I wanna be alone but I might just commit suicide if that happens. Teens are suppose to be the ones who feel this way but why me? I'm 21. Am I just such a late-bloomer? I am at lost but I cannot talk about it to anyone. I wasn't just raised this way. No! My parents wanted me to show the world that I am invincible and letting them know that I can feel pain would just have them thinking that I'm such a weak person. Oh gosh! Is it really just me here in the world? My closest friend is really happy about something that's going to happen and I don't want to spoil it. I think I have responsibilities I could no longer stand. I am just so depressed and sad and... Oh! I do not know how to explain it.
If only I can be callous forever then I wouldn't be hurting this way... Hurting w/ no apparent reason. I am actually tired but I wanna go on. I know something is out there lurking for me.
I will not edit this post. No I wouldn't. I'm tired. I'm hurting inside but everytime I try to show it so people who have a heart could help me, my face shows the same expressions saying '' Yes I am okay even if I am not.''
Hayz... I'd be okay soon. I think.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Upset at something I can't explain
Sometimes, it is hard to be me. I tried to live my life as simple and as monotonous as ever because I am always scared of challenges. Scared of the new things that are goin' on, scared to be not accepted though I know I wasn't really accepted in the first place.
I considered myself special although I am clumsy, slow, inactive, boring, stuck-up oh gosh! Name it! That's me, i still know I am much more intelligent than everyone else. But lately, even that single shining glory I have is slowly fading away. Shit! I really wanna cry! Why is it like this? I've already failed several exams since I returned to school. I have not much fall back because I never excel in groups. Am I just spending too much time on the net that I forget to do some more important things? Oh no!? I seem to be always on a worse state. I seem to be just fitting myself in a space that's already too tight for me. I wanna scream! I wanna be alone but I might just commit suicide if that happens. Teens are suppose to be the ones who feel this way but why me? I'm 21. Am I just such a late-bloomer? I am at lost but I cannot talk about it to anyone. I wasn't just raised this way. No! My parents wanted me to show the world that I am invincible and letting them know that I can feel pain would just have them thinking that I'm such a weak person. Oh gosh! Is it really just me here in the world? My closest friend is really happy about something that's going to happen and I don't want to spoil it. I think I have responsibilities I could no longer stand. I am just so depressed and sad and... Oh! I do not know how to explain it.
If only I can be callous forever then I wouldn't be hurting this way... Hurting w/ no apparent reason. I am actually tired but I wanna go on. I know something is out there lurking for me.
I will not edit this post. No I wouldn't. I'm tired. I'm hurting inside but everytime I try to show it so people who have a heart could help me, my face shows the same expressions saying '' Yes I am okay even if I am not.''
Hayz... I'd be okay soon. I think.
I considered myself special although I am clumsy, slow, inactive, boring, stuck-up oh gosh! Name it! That's me, i still know I am much more intelligent than everyone else. But lately, even that single shining glory I have is slowly fading away. Shit! I really wanna cry! Why is it like this? I've already failed several exams since I returned to school. I have not much fall back because I never excel in groups. Am I just spending too much time on the net that I forget to do some more important things? Oh no!? I seem to be always on a worse state. I seem to be just fitting myself in a space that's already too tight for me. I wanna scream! I wanna be alone but I might just commit suicide if that happens. Teens are suppose to be the ones who feel this way but why me? I'm 21. Am I just such a late-bloomer? I am at lost but I cannot talk about it to anyone. I wasn't just raised this way. No! My parents wanted me to show the world that I am invincible and letting them know that I can feel pain would just have them thinking that I'm such a weak person. Oh gosh! Is it really just me here in the world? My closest friend is really happy about something that's going to happen and I don't want to spoil it. I think I have responsibilities I could no longer stand. I am just so depressed and sad and... Oh! I do not know how to explain it.
If only I can be callous forever then I wouldn't be hurting this way... Hurting w/ no apparent reason. I am actually tired but I wanna go on. I know something is out there lurking for me.
I will not edit this post. No I wouldn't. I'm tired. I'm hurting inside but everytime I try to show it so people who have a heart could help me, my face shows the same expressions saying '' Yes I am okay even if I am not.''
Hayz... I'd be okay soon. I think.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Will be long lost and forgotten
I have a friend.
I think I still have a friend.
Yes I think so
Although I might be wrong.
We no longer text.
We no longer e-mail.
We no longer talk.
But we knew how to text.
We knew how to e-mail.
Maybe we have forgotten
How to talk.
I don't think I still have this friend.
Back to the old ways.
Go on everyday.
No worries.
But now I would not
...look for friendship anymore.
I don't think I'll ever find it
Again.
No I would not believe.
No there is no real friendship.
Yourself...
You only can love yourself.
Friendship...
For me will be long lost and forgotten.
(this is not a poem. This is not anything)
I think I still have a friend.
Yes I think so
Although I might be wrong.
We no longer text.
We no longer e-mail.
We no longer talk.
But we knew how to text.
We knew how to e-mail.
Maybe we have forgotten
How to talk.
I don't think I still have this friend.
Back to the old ways.
Go on everyday.
No worries.
But now I would not
...look for friendship anymore.
I don't think I'll ever find it
Again.
No I would not believe.
No there is no real friendship.
Yourself...
You only can love yourself.
Friendship...
For me will be long lost and forgotten.
(this is not a poem. This is not anything)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
a little tribute to President Cory Aquino
I guess this is one of the saddest day of our country. Today is the last funeral day of our former president who gave us back our freedom and democracy. I'm not really so political but I guess she contributed enough if not much to the Filipino country that she deserved to be praised for the last time. She became a leader way back 1989 or so after the Marcos regimen who put the Philippines under the Martial Law for so many years. There was a People's Power when the Senator Ninoy Aquino, husband of Cory got shot in the airport w/o even having putting a foot down on the Philippine ground. He was exiled to America and when they thought evrything's already fine, they allowed him to come home. But unfortunately, I guess it was a plot, he was shot!
In effect, it led to People's Power that put Cory Aquino to presidency. Well, it wasn't a perfect regimen (she was a mere housewife then) but she became a role model. She's the simpliest president we ever had although she came from a very prominent clan, the Cuangco's. She's very soft-spoken yet she's been listened to everytime she speaks and amid the noise. Most importantly, she became the reason why Filipinos are free!
''Salamat at paalam Tita Cory!''
(Thank you and goodbye Aunt Cory)
In effect, it led to People's Power that put Cory Aquino to presidency. Well, it wasn't a perfect regimen (she was a mere housewife then) but she became a role model. She's the simpliest president we ever had although she came from a very prominent clan, the Cuangco's. She's very soft-spoken yet she's been listened to everytime she speaks and amid the noise. Most importantly, she became the reason why Filipinos are free!
''Salamat at paalam Tita Cory!''
(Thank you and goodbye Aunt Cory)
erm... It is about a kitten
Hi everyone! Erm... It's actually my first start-up discussion here. Well, what I really wanna talk about is this kitten search! Lol! Yeah, I know it is so shallow but I mean well I have never been a cat lover before. We owned a cat once in my 21 years of existence :)... I don't know but just one day it crossed my mind that maybe I should get a pet. Whew! I was 13 when we last had one.
Now, the only thing that I could not make a decision of is what type of cat oh! I mean kitten (I want it to grow up to be a cat with me) to choose. Now, here in the philippines I guess the most affordable breed is a Siamese. I also like the look of the ragdoll but it grows sooo much, I wouldn't get it, sorry. I was about to place an order for a Siamese when I stumbled upon the site www.caraphils.org and I saw this black male kitten named Mamsir. I really like it. Well, it is just a domestic short hair I wonder if my mom would allow me to take care of it. But I mean if I insist, I'm sure she will.
Oh gosh! Please wish me luck, I know I have to go thru all the adoption process and it's totally okay with me as long as I could have the kitten in the end. It has a very sad story because it is called ''pusakal'' (in short for pusang kalye w/c means street cat) no family, no nothing. Hope I could change that because I am so willing to have it. Just waiting for the org's reply now, I already e-mailed them about the adoption. And I am sooo sooo soooo excited! :)
Now, the only thing that I could not make a decision of is what type of cat oh! I mean kitten (I want it to grow up to be a cat with me) to choose. Now, here in the philippines I guess the most affordable breed is a Siamese. I also like the look of the ragdoll but it grows sooo much, I wouldn't get it, sorry. I was about to place an order for a Siamese when I stumbled upon the site www.caraphils.org and I saw this black male kitten named Mamsir. I really like it. Well, it is just a domestic short hair I wonder if my mom would allow me to take care of it. But I mean if I insist, I'm sure she will.
Oh gosh! Please wish me luck, I know I have to go thru all the adoption process and it's totally okay with me as long as I could have the kitten in the end. It has a very sad story because it is called ''pusakal'' (in short for pusang kalye w/c means street cat) no family, no nothing. Hope I could change that because I am so willing to have it. Just waiting for the org's reply now, I already e-mailed them about the adoption. And I am sooo sooo soooo excited! :)
Monday, August 3, 2009
... and your mouth? SHUT IT!
07-27-09
today is just so irritating. I didn't realized that their are still some goddamned people who cannot shut their ass fucking mouth and just throw themselves to hell! Period. I could be embarrased by a total bitch in front of several people if i hadn't known those people's sentiments. I couldn't believe that a certain fucked up stranger would give herself a right to prejudice somebody and count up all the things in favor of her ill-nature. I really just couldn't believe that these kind of people who thought themselves superior than everyone else w/o thinking out first that they themselves are even considered degradable to the lowest degree still exist. Well, you know who you are! Don't think that you already understand what there is in life, you still got a lot to learn. And your mouth? SHUT IT! It stinks! contradicting statements are one of the most disgusting things that would come out from a person's mouth. lastly, don't wonder why i do not consider you or any of your goddamned rules--- i just can't bear the thought of me following a person who's level of lowliness is something deeper than the ground. I do not consider someone who has a nature that's full of rubbish. I do not listen to someone who's in appearance and in background is inferior--- inferior since birth. The hell with you!
today is just so irritating. I didn't realized that their are still some goddamned people who cannot shut their ass fucking mouth and just throw themselves to hell! Period. I could be embarrased by a total bitch in front of several people if i hadn't known those people's sentiments. I couldn't believe that a certain fucked up stranger would give herself a right to prejudice somebody and count up all the things in favor of her ill-nature. I really just couldn't believe that these kind of people who thought themselves superior than everyone else w/o thinking out first that they themselves are even considered degradable to the lowest degree still exist. Well, you know who you are! Don't think that you already understand what there is in life, you still got a lot to learn. And your mouth? SHUT IT! It stinks! contradicting statements are one of the most disgusting things that would come out from a person's mouth. lastly, don't wonder why i do not consider you or any of your goddamned rules--- i just can't bear the thought of me following a person who's level of lowliness is something deeper than the ground. I do not consider someone who has a nature that's full of rubbish. I do not listen to someone who's in appearance and in background is inferior--- inferior since birth. The hell with you!
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